I’m Watching You on Facebook: Attachment and Partner Surveillance

Facebook helps you stay connected with friends and family, but some people also use it to keep tabs on their romantic partners. Anxiously attached people; are more likely to use Facebook to monitor their partners’ behaviors and are more jealous about their partners’ Facebook use (e.g., if the partner is still friends with a former boyfriend/girlfriend). Conversely, avoidant people show the opposite pattern; they monitor their partners less and feel less jealousy.

(A note to you anxious folks out there: if it will help you feel better, please don’t be afraid to spend lots of time monitoring the SofR Facebook page; avoidants are welcome too.)

Marshall, T. C., Bejanyan, K., Di Castro, G., & Lee, R. A. (in press). Attachment styles as predictors of Facebook-related jealousy and surveillance in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships.

Just Released: Relationship Matters Podcast #7

A new Relationship Matters (the official podcast of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships) has just been released. SofR's own Dr. Bjarne Holmes interviews Dr. Jeff Hall about his research on humor in relationships.

Read more about research on humor here.

Big Love for Everyone: Loving and Committing to More than One Romantic Partner

Although plural marriages are illegal in the U.S. and many westernized countries, they are legal in over 850 different societies, and consensual non-monogamy (e.g., open marriage à la Newt Gingrich, polyamory, swinging, and other sorts of arrangements) are becoming increasingly popular. TV networks have tapped into this interest: Big Love and Sister Wives, fictional and reality TV series on HBO and TLC, respectively, show the challenges of living in a plural marriage in the United States.

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"Soul Meets Body" - How Music and Relationships are Connected

As noted by my colleagues in previous articles, similarity between potential romantic partners predicts feelings of attraction and love. “Similarity” can include things like similar backgrounds (e.g., nationality), physical features, personality, hobbies, attitudes, and beliefs.

What about music preferences?

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Sensitive Parental Care In Childhood Predicts Better Relationships In Adulthood

We’ve written a few articles on the effect of attachment style on adult relationships (see here for a primer on attachment and here for all attachment articles). To recap, attachment style represents the ways in which we relate to the people we care about. Some people tend to be open and trusting (secure attachment), some people tend to be more needy and insecure (anxious attachment), and yet others prefer to keep their distance (avoidant attachment). Researchers know that people’s attachment styles can explain a lot about the roots of their behavior in their relationships.¹ But where do these attachment styles come from?

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May the Force Be with Your Relationship

The Flip Side: Hooking-Up in the Bizarro World

It's like "White Man's Burden", but set in Relationship World.

Is Pornography to Blame For the High Divorce Rate?

Ever since the invention of pornography, politicians and the public alike have expressed concerns about the potential negative effects that porn has on those who view it. In particular, many people worry that exposure to porn is destructive to people’s romantic and sexual relationships. This concern was seemingly validated by a recent study reporting that Playboy magazine was the “cause” of up to 25% of all divorces that occurred in the United States in the 1960s and 70s. Could this really be the case? Is exposure to porn destroying our love lives?

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Love Sick?

Several years ago, I read a journal article in which the researchers reported that individuals who had recently fallen in love had higher levels of cortisol than did individuals in long-term relationships or those in no relationship at all. Importantly, high levels of cortisol can eventually weaken the immune system and undermine physical health. Admittedly, this finding baffled me. If chronically high levels of cortisol can be bad for health, then how does that explain the overwhelmingly positive impression people have of being passionately in love? I’ve yet to find a Valentine’s Day card that reads, “I love you so much that you make me susceptible to pneumonia.”

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More SofR in the News

Relationship researchers are in high demand on Valentine's Day. Here are a few more TV appearances by members of the SofR team from the last couple of days:

• Dr. Tim Loving on KEYE from Austin, talking about Valentine's Day and relationships (see our write-up of this research here)
• Dr. Gary Lewandowski on KMTA in Omaha, discussing self-expansion and marriage (take the quiz here)
• Also see here and here for some of Dr. Jennifer Harman's recent interviews.

Perceptions of Relationship Scientists

Read This Before Your Next Facebook Post

Facebook gives its 800 million+ users the opportunity to interact and build connections with a variety of people. Given the nature of interactions on the site, including making comments or “liking” others’ posts, Facebook provides a unique forum for those seeking to improve friendships or enhance their self-esteem. As anyone who has used Facebook can tell you, many posts are of the “look at how awesome I am” variety. Clearly, Facebook provides an excellent social outlet for those with high self-esteem; but, it may be less beneficial for their less self-loving counterparts.

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Dr. Jennifer Harman on the Science of Love and Attraction

SofR's Jennifer Harman talks about the science of relationships on Denver's Channel 31 News.

Click here to watch the video.

Valentine's Day Recap

Here's a helpful listing of all our Valentine's Day-relevant posts from the past two weeks:

• The Music of Relationships
• On Valentine Street, Chivalry Isn't Dead
• Rekindle the Romance in Your Relationship with Self-Expansion
• Valentine's Day Gifts: Pleasure or Obligation?
• She Said/He Said: What to Get Your Partner for Valentine's Day
• How do Same-Sex Couples View Valentine's Day?
• Get Your Facebook Profile Ready for Valentine's Day
• Warning! Valentine’s Day May Be Hazardous for Your Relationship’s Health

Yes, Smithsonian.com, We Will Be Your Valentine

SofR's Dr. Jennifer Harman, our book, and SofR are featured in the Smithsonian's blog. Click the link below for the full article.

Next stop....The New Yorker.

What's Science Got to Do With It?

Warning! Valentine’s Day May Be Hazardous for Your Relationship’s Health

Valentine’s Day typically serves as a time to show appreciation for that special someone in our lives or as an opportunity to take a relationship to the next level. It’s a time to celebrate love in all of its forms. But can it be a dangerous time for the health of your relationship? 

Holidays can be stressful, but your relationship probably made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Festivus, and New Year’s in one piece. Congratulations! Valentine’s Day should be a piece of cake, right? Not so fast…

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Happy Birthday, Chuck!

To celebrate Charles Darwin's 203rd birthday, check out some of our posts about research inspired by evolutionary psychology, including:

• The Dating Equation: ½(your age) + 7
• Fabulous Face or Banging Body: Which is a More Important Characteristic in a Lover?
• When Are Women Into Casual Sex?
• Why Do Some People Date Multiple Partners at the Same Time?
• A Little Too Good To Be True: Deceptive Tactics in Dating 

Valentine's Day: Don't Overthink It

From xkcd.com.

This Heart's For You

image source: we are fairly confident this came from TheOnion.com many, many years ago.

Ralph: Ladies Man Extraordinaire

image source: imalemon.blogspot.com