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Put a Little Sex Talk in Your Valentine’s Day

Hopefully, you and your partner have a great sex life. For those of you who are satisfied with life between the sheets, you may still have ideas on how to make your sexual life better. And expressing your needs, wants, and desires can enhance your sex life.1

Yet, many intimate partners say that talking about sex can be difficult; it is a conversation that is laced with vulnerability. You may wonder, is my performance good enough? Is my partner satisfied? Even if sexual satisfaction is high, you may want to explore new sexual activities with your partner. Despite the legitimacy of such questions and conversation topics, individuals often avoid talking about sex because they don’t want to hurt their partners by providing not-so-favorable feedback or otherwise noting a partner’s sexual limitations. Fear of rejection or being judged keep individuals from bringing up the subject, too. My suggestion is that you take the plunge and have the conversation anyway; talking about sex could benefit your relationship in ways that far outweigh the risks associated with having such conversations. Here’s the evidence…

Reasons to talk about sex:

  • College students who communicate about sex reported greater sexual satisfaction.2
  • Relationship satisfaction and closeness are higher among married individuals who tell their spouses their sexual satisfaction, preferences, or previous sexual experiences.3
  • Couples become closer when they engage in sexual disclosure.3
  • Indirect communication, or not talking, leads husbands and wives to have lower sexual satisfaction themselves, whether they are the ones being indirect or their spouses are being indirect.4
  • Verbal and nonverbal sexual communication during a sexual episode lead to higher levels of sexual satisfaction.2
  • Inhibited sexual communication results in lower physical satisfaction.5
  • As sexual communication apprehension increases, sexual satisfaction decreases.2

So this Valentine’s Day, tell your partner something positive about the sexual aspects of your relationship. Express your desires and respect your partner’s response. Remember, talking about sex is one of several ways to enhance your sex life. And, the very act of talking about sex can bring you and your partner closer this Valentine’s Day – and every day.

Dr. Tina Coffelt - Science of Relationships articles | Website
Dr. Coffelt researches sexual communication in marital, dating, and family relationships with a current focus on sexual disclosures, consent, and apprehension. She conducts both quantitative and qualitative research with publications appearing in the Journal of Family Communication, Communication Yearbook, Journal of Sex Research, and Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

image source: huffingtonpost.com

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