Forgiveness can be really good for our relationships. To name just a few benefits, forgiving a transgression reduces blood pressure for both victims and their wrongdoing partners,1 and increases the victim’s life satisfaction and positive mood.2 Researchers are also beginning to understand what it takes to forgive; for example, we are more likely to forgive our partners when they apologize (i.e., make amends) for bad behavior. But what happens when we forgive someone who hasn’t attempted to make up for their transgression? In a series of four studies, Laura Luchies and her colleagues found that forgiving a partner who does not make amends after wrongdoing erodes the victim’s self-respect and self-concept clarity (the extent to which we have a clear sense of ourselves).3 In other words, we seem to lose respect for ourselves and feel more confused about who we are if we forgive a partner who hasn’t apologized.
Our mission at ScienceOfRelationships.com is to share relationship science with as many non-scientists as possible. Over our careers we have found that sharing and discussing research at conferences, such as SPSP, has proved invaluable in preparing us to accomplish this mission. And now we want to give back a little. To this end, we are pleased to announce that ScienceOfRelationships.com will send one student to the annual Society for Personality and Social Psychology conference.
My wife and I don’t always agree on the best way to parent our two kids. We sometimes have different ideas about how to broaden their palates, limit screen time (here’s hoping one of those freakish talking animals turns on Diego very soon), and how to blend our respective family holiday traditions. When we’re grappling with these and other parenting issues, we engage in what researchers call co-parental communication, which generally refers to how she and I communicate with one another and our children when parenting.
Commutes. They’re dull; they’re stressful. They’re even hilariously frustrating, if you’re Ron Livingston in the movie Office Space. But could a commute hurt your relationship?
A 10-year study from Sweden suggests that the answer is yes.1 More than two million married or cohabiting Swedes (from an annually updated database containing the entire Swedish population) were included in this study on long-distance commuting. In the study, a “long-distance commute” was defined as a commute spanning 30 kilometers (approximately 18.6 miles) or more, which in Sweden translates to a one-way commute lasting approximately 45 minutes by car. (The 30-kilometer distance was measured in a straight line, so the actual distances traveled were greater.) The researcher found that couples who had lengthy commutes had a 40% higher risk of separation, compared with non-commuting couples.
It seems as though there is a fairly standard list of New Year’s resolutions: lose weight, exercise more, eat healthier, pay off credit card debt, and quit smoking/drinking. Perhaps you’ve gone beyond this list and added things like: spend less time on Facebook or watching TV, get organized, find a better job, fix up the house, stop procrastinating, etc.
Oddly (to us, anyways), although resolutions typically emphasize physical and mental health, they generally ignore relationship health. To address this oversight, here is list of 7 scientifically-validated ways you can improve your relationships...
This New Year’s Eve (NYE) has extra special significance for me – I am getting married! Given that this means my partner and I will have a very meaningful NYE kiss (our first as a married couple), I was reminded of this previous post on the NYE kiss. Here’s wishing you a Happy New Year and an enjoyable NYE’s kiss if you choose to lock lips at midnight.
Being single has its advantages and its disadvantages. So does being coupled. But how come single individuals AND partnered individuals vehemently defend their respective (non)relationship situations relative to the other? Samantha Joel explains.
Proving once again that context matters, Lisa Reddoch explains how self-esteem and odds of rejection influence the way people flirt. How you doin'?
Was this a sexy year for you? It sure was here at ScienceOfRelationships.com. Here are our Top 25 articles about sex from 2013:
- Getting It On vs. Getting It Over With: How Reasons for Having Sex Impact Relationships
- Sexual Compatibility: The Importance to Your Satisfaction
- Give the Gift of Simultaneous Orgasm This Valentine’s Day
- Sleep Tight...Will the Sex Dreams Bite?
- The Flavors of Female Orgasm: The Debate Continues
- Bring Out the Gimp: Personality & BDSM
- Is No Sex the New Sex?
- How Many Women Are Going Bare “Down There?”
- Manscaping: A Question of Bushwhacking
- What Does It Mean to “Make Sex Normal”?
Fred Clavél explains why physical (or virtual) presence isn't enough to make someone feel supported. You have to be there when you're there.
They (whoever "they" is) say you can't change partners to be what you want them to be. But can you shape them to be what they want to be? Sarah Stanton channels her inner Renaissance soul and lays out the evidence for the Michelangelo Phenomenon.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps.
Just which humps does he prefer -- breasts or butts? Dr. Michelle Kaufman reviews the research.