Another Reason to Avoid Narcissists

image source: squidoo.comJust in case you need another reason to avoid dating narcissists: In a sample of nearly 300 men, those scoring high on narcissism, high on psychopathy (e.g., irresponsibility, low empathy, antisocial behavior), and with an unrestricted sociosexual orientation (e.g., the belief that love and sex are separate) were three times as likely (45%) to report engaging in sexual aggression (e.g., sexual assault and rape) compared to those low on these three traits (15%).

Mouilso, E. R., & Calhoun, K. S. (2011). A mediation model of the role of sociosexuality in the associations between narcissism, psychopathy, and sexual aggression. Psychology of Violence, 2, 16-27.

Baiting the Hook to Catch a Fish

Being a scientist, I draw many research ideas from my personal life and, admittedly, my personal life provides much to draw from! I have been married and divorced more than once, have traveled the world and tried out many different types of relationships, and I now find myself a single mother of a toddler and preschool aged boy. I also live with my newly retired mom. Talk about being sandwiched. After taking a break from any relationship that remotely smacked of romance for some time now, I have decided to re-enter the dating world.

This column will document my adventures. I know my personal analysis will generate more questions than I initially pose, but that is the scientific process! Putting my personal experiences out there for public scrutiny is a little intimidating for me. But, if my successes, failures, and embarrassing experiences can be used as a way to teach and generate more research questions about relationship science, or at the very least get you to laugh with or at me, I am willing to be the sacrificial lamb. So, here goes.

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Sex: It's Like Fighting in Perkins

Week in Review: 11-17 March 2012

In case you missed any of them, here are links to this week's SofR articles:

• I Like Watching Other Girls, But I'm Not Gay: What's Up With That?
• Estrogen Levels Influence How Many Kids Women Want
• Q&A: Friends with Benefits?
• Marvin Gaye was Right On: Sex and Stress Relief
• Online Dating: The Paradox of Choice

Here's what we've been reading this week:

• Women Happier in Relationships When Men Feel Their Pain (sciencedaily.com)
• Refining the Formula That Predicts Celebrity Marriages’ Doom (nytimes.com)
• Why Interacting With A Woman Can Leave Men 'Cognitively Impaired' (huffingtonpost.com)
• Do Men and Women Want Different Things After Sex? (alternet.org)
• Making Love and Trouble: The Surprisingly Woman-Friendly Roots of Modern Polyamory (slate.com)

Online Dating: The Paradox of Choice

As discussed in a previous post, some relationship scientists seriously doubt the effectiveness of the algorithms used by online dating sites to match people to potential partners. Even if these algorithms do not hold the key to everlasting love, online dating sites provide access to more dating partners than you can shake a stick at. If you are looking for love, having more options is better, right?

Not exactly. Researchers have demonstrated that although we like having more options when making a decision, we are ultimately less satisfied with our choice when we have a larger, as opposed to smaller, number of options.

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Marvin Gaye was Right On: Sex and Stress Relief

Sexually active Israelis in monogamous cohabiting relationships reported on their stress levels and sexual activity each day for three weeks. Having sex on one day predicted lower stress the following day, and feeling stressed on one day was associated with an increased likelihood of having sex the next day. Convenient, eh? These associations were stronger for men than for women. This work suggests that people (especially men) may use sex to (effectively) alleviate daily stress.

Ein-Dor, T., & Hirschberger, G. (2012). Sexual healing: Daily diary evidence that sex relieves stress for men and women in satisfying relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 126-139.

Support SofR by downloading "Sexual Healing" (or some other groovy Marvin Gaye tunes; we highly recommend the Let's Get It On album for facilitating your stress relief) on Amazon.com.

Q&A: Friends with Benefits?

A reader asked:

Where does science of relationships stand on the whole friends with benefits thing? Do you see it as more of a risk as opposed to a normal commited relationship?

Great question; this is something that a lot of people are interested in. Here are some of our past articles related to friends with benefits:

• Sex in Friendships, Friendship After Sex
• Friends with Benefits: Are They as Complicated in Real Life as They are in the Movies?
• Jersey Shore: Snooki and Vinny = "Friends with Benefits"
• Are You a Booty Call or a Friend with Benefits?
• From Friends to Lovers

From toothpastefordinner.com.

Estrogen Levels Influence How Many Kids Women Want

Researchers asked college women, “Ideally, how many children would you like to have?”, and either (a) assessed their peak estrogen levels by collecting weekly urine samples for 4-6 weeks (Study 1), or (b) asked strangers to rate how feminine (vs. masculine) the women’s faces were (Study 2; note: prenatal and pubertal estrogen feminizes faces). Women with higher peak levels of estrogen, or with more feminine faces, reported wanting more children.

Smith, M. J. L., Deady, D. K., Moore, F. R., et al. (2012). Maternal tendencies in women are associated with estrogen levels and facial femininity. Hormones and Behavior, 61, 12-16.

image source: whatisall.com

I Like Watching Other Girls, But I'm Not Gay: What's Up With That?

I am a female. I am NOT attracted to other females. However, female porn/ girl-girl action/ breasts... all these things turn me on. When I watch porn, I prefer watching girls to men, it excites me and turns me on. While watching porn I enjoy fantasizing about it being me with another girl, but in real life those thoughts don't even cross my mind. I just don't get it! Help me, oh wise sages. I am curious to know if you have insight on this phenomenon.

Your experience is not at all unusual. Nude images of females are much more prevalent in society than naked pictures of males, which impacts the viewing experience of pornography for women in very different ways than for men.

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The Oatmeal: Love by the Decades

We love The Oatmeal.

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Good Grief, Charlie Brown. Just Read SofR.

Rather that asking Lucy for advice, ask an expert. Click here to check out some of the questions that our readers have submitted and the answers provided by the SofR team.

Is Masturbation Bad For Your Health and Your Relationship?

I cannot find any topics [on the site] covering female or male masturbation. Do you plan on writing about this topic in the future?

Thanks for your question. I agree that masturbation is an important topic to address and it’s one that interests a lot of people. Aside from female orgasm, self-love is perhaps the most frequent issue students ask about in my Human Sexuality course. The two most common things that come up with respect to masturbation are fears about whether this behavior is bad for one’s health and whether it creates relationship problems. Let’s take a moment to clear up these concerns.

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"Talking Sex": Relationship Matters Podcast #8

A new Relationship Matters (the official podcast of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships) has just been released. SofR's own Dr. Bjarne Holmes interviews Jennifer Montesi of Temple University about her research on sexual communication and satisfaction.

See all of our articles about sex here.

Pill Use and Mate Retention Tactics: Blame the Estradiol

image source: static.oprah.comThe majority of American women have used a hormonal contraceptive. According to a recent study, women taking hormonal contraceptives, and their male partners, display more “mate retention” tactics (i.e., doing things to keep their partners from straying, such as looking especially sexy or showcasing resources) compared to women, and male partners of women, who do not take hormonal contraceptives. Analyses revealed that it was the synthetic estradiol rather than progesterone that likely causes these effects.

Welling, L. L. M., Puts, D. A., Roberts, S. C., Little, A. C., & Buriss, R. P. (2012). Hormonal contraceptive use and mate retention behavior in women and their male partners. Hormones and Behavior, 61, 114-120.

Whose Opinion Matters More: Parents' or Friends'?

When my wife and I first started dating, she would joke that because I valued my best friend’s opinion so much, we would only be able to stay together if he approved of her…at least I think she was joking.  Fortunately, he gave me his blessing, and now my wife and I are happily married. But why wasn’t my wife worried about what my parents would think of her? Did she believe that I don’t trust my parents’ advice? (Mom and Dad, I do listen to your advice…most of the time). Or did my wife simply believe that my best friend’s advice would carry more weight than my parents’?

Researchers have examined just this – whose opinion, friends' or parents', has more influence on individuals’ dating choices.

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Men Are More Generous in the Presence of Women

image source: chinasmack.comMen are more willing to donate money and volunteer for helpful causes that demonstrate virility (donating blood) and parental investment (helping children in need) when attractive women are around than when they are around other men or alone. Why? To pick up chicks, of course. Donating money and volunteering “signal” generosity, a valuable trait in a potential mate (for more examples of such showcasing, see here).

Van Vugt, M., & Iredale, W. (2012). Men behaving nicely: Public Goods as peacock tails. British Journal of Psychology. doi: 10.1111/j.2044-8295.2011.02093.x

When Stress Hits, Call Your Mother. Don’t Text, Talk to Her. Really.

You’ve had a crappy day. Maybe your boss yelled at you, you forgot to pay the mortgage, or you lost your keys. When life stresses you out, sometimes you need your momma. After all, how many times have you heard your mom say how nice it is to hear your voice? But recent research from the University of Wisconsin-Madison suggests that it may be you that benefits from hearing your mother’s voice.

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They Said Our Wedding Was Unnatural

from: amyking.wordpress.com

Karney & Bradbury - "What is Infidelity?"

Relationship researchers Drs. Benjamin Karney and Thomas Bradbury discuss infidelity (from the PSB series This Emotional Life). Read more about definitions of infidelity here.

Are You a Booty Call or a Friend with Benefits?

Spring break season is upon us, and as I discussed in a previous post, one thing that people associate with spring break is casual sex (what happens on spring break stays on spring break!). According to a recent study, however, casual sex relationships may not be so casual after all. In fact, these days casual sexual relationships are no longer solely defined as a one time sexual encounter; instead, casual sexual experiences can range from a one-time “hook-up” to an ongoing sexual relationship with a friend.

In a recent study, focus groups of young people were asked to identify different ‘types’ of casual sex relationships...

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