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Tuesday
Nov272012

Are Men’s Standards Really So Low That They’re Willing To Date “Sociopaths”?

I recently read an article entitled "OkCupid Experiment Proves Men Don’t Mind Dating Sociopaths." Naturally, I was intrigued. The article goes on to report the results of an “experiment” in which a couple of friends created a fake OkCupid profile featuring an image of an attractive woman (“Tara_IceAge4”) whose profile appeared, well, a little on the crazy side. Read the full article if you want all of the gory details, but the basic idea is that she’s racist, insensitive (e.g., she makes jokes about 9/11), erratic, a hit-and-run driver, and, above all else, a really poor speller. This fake profile was viewed 400 times and received 39 replies from potential male suitors within a few hours. So does this little study “prove” that men are perfectly comfortable dating sociopaths? And, in the words of the article’s author, is this really “an experiment that every human being should examine?” No and no. Let me explain.

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Monday
Nov262012

The Art of Pickup: Misogyny in Action

Have you ever read The Game1 or seen the VH1 series The Pickup Artist? Even though The Game is no longer topping the New York Times bestsellers list and The Pickup Artist has long since left the air, the pickup community is alive and well. In fact, in my hometown of Austin, Texas, there are at least three major pickup companies and dozens of independent instructors, all willing to provide (expensive) one-on-one lessons designed to teach the unlucky-at-love how to play the game. As someone who enjoys the nightlife arguably more than she should, it was only a matter of time before I stumbled across the local pickup community and, as a result, met some of the biggest names in the seduction industry (yes, I have met Neil Strauss. No, he did not make a pass at me—and no, I’m not disappointed).

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Sunday
Nov252012

Checking In from the Bedroom

Sunday
Nov252012

Who Wants "Muffins"?

Makes us wonder if this penguin is in any way related to the ScienceOfRelationships penguin. If so, we should name our penguin Muffins.

Saturday
Nov242012

Week in Review: 18 - 24 November 2012

Saturday
Nov242012

Top 10 Things You Should Avoid Doing If You Don't Want To Get Caught

Although I can’t claim to have personal experience avoiding “getting caught,” here’s some advice to those of you engaging in extramarital (or extra-relationship) affairs. (If you want to know if your partner is cheating, see here and here for what does and doesn’t count as cheating.) It doesn’t surprise me that people have affairs (my research suggests that 24-51% of men and women cheat on relationship partners1). It does surprise me that these affairs seem to reduce the cheaters’ number of functioning brain cells.

So, those of you out there cheating on your partners, here’s a list of the Top 10 Things You Should Avoid Doing If You Don't Want To Get Caught.  (I’ve based each on real cheating scenarios. Check your own knowledge of celebrity cheaters below.)

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Friday
Nov232012

Black Friday Reminder

The season of spending has arrived in the United States! Please consider supporting ScienceOfRelationships.com by going to Amazon.com via this link. Better yet, create a bookmark so you can use it for all of your Amazon purchases. Purchasing Amazon products via our link will not only help you avoid the Black Friday crowds, but it will also let you do your shopping in the comfort of your home. Along with kickstarting the economy, you can hang out in your pajamas and help us pay our bills with each of your Amazon purchases.   

Thursday
Nov222012

Thanksgiving and Relationships Go Together Like Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Thursday
Nov222012

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday
Nov212012

How Well Do You Know People? Play the Game

Editor's note: Our friends at In-Mind.org have developed a smartphone app that tests your knowledge of human behavior...Here's what they say about it (see below to get it on your iPhone or Android device):

Social K: The Game 

What do YOU know about people? Do you think that you know the human psyche? And, do you know the human psyche better than your friends?

Here's the app that will put your mind to the test. Social K assesses your knowledge about human behavior and teaches you facts that you may have never known!

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Wednesday
Nov212012

Dr. Tim Loving on the Dudley & Bob Show (KLBJ-FM, Austin, TX)

ScienceOfRelationship.com's Dr. Tim Loving makes his radio debut on The Dudley & Bob Morning Show (KLBJ-FM, 93.7) in Austin, TX. Click on the button to play the ~19 minute clip ("fastest 19 minutes of my life" -- Dr. Loving).

Wednesday
Nov212012

Got a Secret, Can You Keep It?

Whether your teenage brother is a petty burglar or you seduced your sister’s fiancé, we all have family secrets. The characters on ABC Family’s mystery-thriller television series, Pretty Little Liars, know this all too well. They struggle to live normal lives despite being surrounded by deceit. To make matters worse, a menacing (and seemingly omnipresent) bully known only as “A” seems to know of every slip-up and secret shame, blackmailing the main characters in exchange for not revealing their dirty deeds. While most of us don’t have an “A” stalking our every move, we all have information that we keep to ourselves. Researchers in the fields of psychology and communication know this too and have uncovered a lot about the nature of family secrets.

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Tuesday
Nov202012

A Careful Balance of Care

Giving and receiving care is an essential part of relationships. But how do you know just how giving you should be or how much you should expect others to give in return? Research indicates that there are two common types of relationships people engage in to ensure balanced giving and receiving.

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Monday
Nov192012

Pondering the “What If” Relationship

About 10 years ago I had a short-lived, whirlwind romance with a man who was taking a long break from a complicated relationship with another woman. Once things got emotionally intimate with me, he bolted back to her and they eventually married. I was devastated. Despite my initial grief, we remain a presence in each other’s lives. Although we have transitioned to being only friends, there has always been a flirtatious quality to our interactions. I refer to him as The Question Mark because I have always had the “what if” question haunting me about him. What if he had been more available when we first started dating? What if our career paths were not so different? What would happen if we lived in the same city today, now that we are both single again?

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Sunday
Nov182012

Another Reason to Support Gay Marriage

Last week Maryland, Maine, and Washington became the most recent states to support gay marriage (joining MA, CT, IA, VT, NH, NY, and the District of Columbia). For the rest of the country, here's another reason to get on board with gay marriage. [WARNING, this video is NSFW due to language]

Sunday
Nov182012

Men: Want a Date? Take a Break from Shaving this Movember

This month is “Movember,” an international movement to raise awareness about men’s health, particularly prostate and testicular cancer. Men participating in “Movember” grow moustaches and raise money to fund cancer education and research.1 Yet, Movember may have an added benefit for relationships: women rate men with a full beard as more masculine, socially mature, dominant, and aggressive than they rate clean-shaven men. However, men with light stubble fare best on ratings of attractiveness and desirability for short-term and long-term relationships.2 Historically, men tend to grow facial hair during years that competition for mates is more intense (for example, moustaches were particularly popular in the early 1900s, based on images in the Illustrated London News),3 suggesting that facial hair fashion trends are attuned to the effect facial hair has on women’s judgments.

Click on the image to supersize it!

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Saturday
Nov172012

You Were So Perfect When We First Met

Saturday
Nov172012

Week in Review: 11 - 17 November 2012

Friday
Nov162012

Why Watching Twilight Movies May Be Bad For Relationships

In the past decade, the popularity of vampire-themed books and movies for young adults has risen dramatically. Although vampires make for some good nail-biting fun in the Halloween season, they also send some unfortunate messages to the young people who love them. In this article, I argue that the popular Twilight series can be used to highlight patterns of behavior that put individuals at risk for abuse in dating relationships. The popularity of the Twilight series shows just how much attention girls are giving to the examples of lovers displayed in Edward and Bella’s world. To them, Edward represents the troubled soul who is waiting to be tamed by just the right woman; it’s the modern Beauty and the Beast. Unfortunately, many fans turn a blind eye to the dark side of Bella and Edward’s romance. The course and characteristics of Bella’s relationship with Edward are actually a template for violence and abuse, and Twilight fans may unwittingly model a relationship that may lead to both psychological and physical abuse.

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Thursday
Nov152012

And For My Next Trick: The Magical Effects of Positive Illusions About Romantic Partners

Think about the last time you had a crush. What did it feel like? Chances are this experience involved overwhelming feelings of passion, confusion and excitement. Relationship researchers often refer to this experience as passionate love,1 or “Eros.”2 When someone is in this state of crush, thoughts about their partner (or desired partner) dominate their mind. Further, a person often thinks about their crush in highly idealized ways; their partner is the most beautiful, intelligent, and compassionate person in the world, and there is simply no way you can convince the crush-er otherwise.

Although common when someone is crushing, these idealizations—called positive illusions3—can occur at any relationship stage.

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