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Top Three Predictors of Successful Relationships: PI.C.L.

Melissa Schneider, M.S. — Fri, 17 May 2013 04:02:03 +0000

I love making up a good acronym as much as the next relationship researcher, and today I’ve invented one about the top three predictors of a successful relationship: PICL*.

Is He a Butt or a Breast Man?: Eye Fixations and Men’s Hump Preference

Dr. Michelle Kaufman — Thu, 16 May 2013 04:01:09 +0000

Men’s fascination with women’s butts and breasts is well known. They will often debate the qualities of each feature when together in a locker room or at a bar. But did you know there is actually empirical research on whether men prefer booty or boobs?

In a series of studies, researchers at the University of Buenos Aires recently looked at heterosexual men’s preferences for women’s breasts or women’s butts.

When Too Much Help from Parents Hurts

Science of Relationships — Wed, 15 May 2013 04:00:28 +0000

As a parent, how much should you help pay for your child's college education? How much should you help with their homework? The parent-child relationship is based on parent's helping their child. But sometimes parents can help too much. A recent article in the New York Times examines "helicopter parents" and how parents can help so much, that it actually hurts the child.

Relationships Are More Important Than Ambition

Science of Relationships — Tue, 14 May 2013 04:01:17 +0000

image source: carmenlaffon1.blogspot.comOf course, those of us here at ScienceOfRelationships.com don't need convincing, but a recent article over at The Atlantic details some of the evidence for the claim that relationships matter more than ambition (and all the good things that come with ambition).

I Dislike the Dog that Likes the Rabbit that I Dislike: Why Do We Like Some People but Dislike Others?

Dr. Timothy Loving — Mon, 13 May 2013 04:01:12 +0000

The notion that people prefer similar others is as empirically-validated a research finding as they come in our field (see here, for example). Similar people make us feel better about ourselves, and who doesn’t like somebody that makes us feel better about ourselves? In fact, the preference for similarity is so common that it is considered a general characteristic of the human condition, and it’s not hard to imagine how preferring to hang around similar people, and avoiding dissimilar people, might benefit survival.

Recently, researchers have begun to identify exactly how early this preference for similar others begins to develop. One can’t help but wonder whether this “universal” preference for similar others is nature (i.e., we’re born with it) or nurture (i.e., others, such as our parents, teach us to like similar others and not like dissimilar others).

Jetpack Solves Everything

Science of Relationships — Sat, 11 May 2013 04:01:48 +0000

From swiss-miss.com. Read more about avoidant attachment here.

Stubble Trouble: How (Men’s) Facial Hair Affects Attraction

Dr. Gary Lewandowski — Fri, 10 May 2013 04:01:42 +0000

Should men go for the clean-shaven look, a full beard, or somewhere in between when trying to attract a woman,? To answer this question, researchers showed heterosexual women and heterosexual men photographs of men with full beards, heavy stubble, light stubble, or cleanly shaven faces. Importantly, the pictures were the same men but with different facial hair styles. Women found heavy stubble more attractive than the other styles. Interestingly, men thought full beards and clean-shaven were more attractive than women did. A follow-up study focusing on fertility indicated that women’s preference for heavy stubble was the same regardless of menstrual cycle phase.

For more facial hair science, check out this article.

Dixson, B. J., & Brooks, R. C. (2013). The role of facial hair in women's perceptions of men's attractiveness, health, masculinity and parenting abilities. Evolution and Human Behavior, doi:10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2013.02.003

Math Nerd Announcement: A Breakup Equation For Lovers

Melissa Schneider, M.S. — Fri, 10 May 2013 04:01:37 +0000

As someone who takes comfort in reducing highly complex human experiences into single-line mathematical equations, let me share my latest shiny new toy: a formula that predicts the breakup percentage of a given sample of dating folk over a particular period of time.

Isn’t that intriguing?

Is Sex Allowed to Be Important in a Romantic Relationship?

Dr. Amy Muise — Thu, 09 May 2013 16:11:47 +0000

A recent article in Wall Street Journal (WSJ) by Elizabeth Bernstein, How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex? What Happens When He Says 'More' and She Says 'No', created some controversy. The article focused on Chris and Afton Mower, a heterosexual couple who share the details of their previously sexless marriage. At one point in their relationship, the couple went one year without having sex. The husband, Chris, desired more sex, whereas his wife, Afton, had no interest in sex.

Over time, after communicating and reading a self-help book together, Chris and Afton revived their sexual relationship and now both report being satisfied with their sex life. In the article, Bernstein referenced our research on sexual communal strength (discussed here) to suggest that at times a person may prioritize their romantic partner’s sexual needs over their own preferences and that this focus on a partner’s needs can be beneficial (not only for the partner whose needs are being met, but also for the partner meeting the needs).¹ Bernstein's article caused quite a stir in the media; a number of news outlets, including Jezebel, The Week, and New York Magazine, published responses. Critics rebuked the article for what they perceived as its focus on the “man’s perspective” and questioned the depression, weight gain and emotional distress that Chris linked to his sexual rejection. Based on some of the responses, it was also controversial to suggest that a person has some responsibility in an ongoing romantic relationship to meet their partner’s sexual needs, perhaps especially when it is the male partner who desires more sex than his wife.

After reading these responses I began to wonder whether (and for whom) we allow sex to be important in a relationship.

Gotta Love Science: Why Men Dig Breasts

Science of Relationships — Wed, 08 May 2013 04:02:10 +0000

The fact that men like breasts isn't earth-shattering news, nor is it particularly scientific. However, an article over at LiveScience explores a new theory for why men find them so appealing.

Also check out Dr. Justin Lehmiller's article about nipple stimulation and women's orgasm here.

The Benefits and Risks of Growing Close: Relationship Matters Podcast #23

Dr. Bjarne Holmes — Tue, 07 May 2013 04:01:23 +0000

In the 23rd installment of Sage’s Relationship Matters podcast, hosted by Dr. Bjarne Holmes of Champlain College, Dr. Jennifer Tomlinson (Carnegie Mellon University) discusses her recent research with Professor Art Aron (Stony Brook University) on the classic dilemma: how do we balance the benefits of growing emotionally close to a person with the risk of getting hurt that comes when we make ourselves vulnerable?

Sometimes a Cigar is More Than a Cigar

Dr. Jennifer Harman — Mon, 06 May 2013 04:01:54 +0000

I have been having nightmares lately. Not the “being chased” kind of nightmare, or the nightmare where you’re falling and wake up before hitting the ground. Rather, there is a recurring theme in these dreams that involve The Consultant (a man I have been dating for many months now) and me. Each dream starts with us doing something mundane, such as going grocery shopping together. Then, suddenly, The Consultant turns into one of my ex-boyfriends and things fall apart like they did in my past relationships. For example, my dream last night involved The Consultant and I having lunch, during which he ordered the Italian wedding soup special and then proceeded to tell me that he was marrying someone else. I looked up from my menu only to see that The Consultant had turned into The Question Mark, a man I have struggled to “get over” for many years.

When I wake up from these dreams, I am relieved that they are not real. Oftentimes, The Consultant is sharing my bed, so I am comforted by snuggling closer to him. But I keep wondering, what do these dreams mean?

The Elements of Attraction

Science of Relationships — Sun, 05 May 2013 04:01:21 +0000

Inspired by this image. Read more about attractiveness here.

May the Fourth Be with You and Your Relationships

Science of Relationships — Sat, 04 May 2013 04:02:21 +0000

May the Fourth, if it isn't obvious, is a day to celebrate all things Star Wars. We're Star Wars geeks at heart, so it's probably not surprising that we've found ways to incorporate Star Wars themes into ScienceOfRelationships.com...

Don't Ask A Jedi. Ask Us.

Science of Relationships — Fri, 03 May 2013 16:00:00 +0000

Check out other readers' questions, and our answers, here.

"Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?" and Other Questions You May be Tempted to Ask Your Partner

Drs. Charlotte & Patrick Markey — Fri, 03 May 2013 04:02:14 +0000

Over a decade ago, I promised myself I’d never ask my husband anything that resembles the loaded question, “do these pants make my butt look big?” Although I believe that women are subjected to impossible standards of beauty that could lead any reasonable woman to feel insecure about her appearance, I did not want to reveal myself as insecure about my weight. I knew I was not “fat,” and did not want to find myself behaving like a stereotypical weight-obsessed woman. However, most of all, I made a conscious choice – as a woman who studies body image and eating behaviors – to try my best to be confident about my weight. I believed then, and still believe today, that I don’t have the professional luxury of questioning my body or my weight if I am going to tell other people that they should eat healthy foods and not “worry” about their weight.

New Parents: We’re On the Same Team

Dr. Benjamin Le — Thu, 02 May 2013 16:00:00 +0000

image source: living.msn.comHaving a first child can be a stressful time for couples for many reasons. One factor that may contribute to new-parent stress is whether the new parents agree on how to parent. In a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers examined whether new parents had similar parenting styles and felt like they were working together as team in raising their new infants; they also assessed whether this teamwork was related to parents’ mental health and relationship satisfaction. New mothers and fathers who felt like their parenting styles were similar had more positive moods and experienced less depression in the months following the birth of their first child. In addition, perceived agreement in parenting styles was related to mothers’ overall relationship satisfaction.

Don, B. P., Biehle, S. N., Mickelson, K. D. (in press). Feeling like part of a team: Perceived parenting agreement among first-time parents. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

(Lack of) Partner Support and Criticism Predicts Depression

Science of Relationships — Thu, 02 May 2013 16:00:00 +0000

NPR recently reported on a new study by Dr. Alan Teo and colleagues on the link between relationship quality and depression. Those of you with critical, unsupportive partners should start looking for a therapist with a comfy couch soon!

Click here to check out NPR's coverage of this work.

The Scientist (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Replications)

Dr. Dylan Selterman — Wed, 01 May 2013 04:01:27 +0000

When people ask me what I do, I talk about being a professor and a social psychologist, but first and foremost I am a scientist, though probably not the type with a white lab coat and microscopes you had in mind. My colleagues and I use scientific perspectives and methods to investigate topics like interpersonal relationships, dreams, and morality. Our fields depend on the integrity of the scientific process (generating hypotheses, testing them with sound methods and measures, and running analyses). This article is about a crucial element of relationship science that, until recently, our journal editors have somewhat neglected: replication.

Do the Daily Sacrifices We Make in Relationships Make Us Happier? Relationship Matters Podcast #22

Dr. Bjarne Holmes — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 04:01:51 +0000

In the 22nd installment of Sage’s Relationship Matters podcast, hosted by Dr. Bjarne Holmes of Champlain College, Dr. Casey Totenhagen (University of Arizona) dicusses recent research on how the daily sacrifices we make in relationships (e.g., doing the dishes, picking up a partner from work) influence how happy and committed we are in our relationships.

Totenhagen explained, “In a relationship the partners are interdependent, and what I’m feeling and getting out of the relationship really depends on how my partner is treating me. These sacrifices are opportunities that we have to show our partners that we care about them, that we’re invested in the relationship, and that we want and expect the relationship to continue.”