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Recently, a female friend asked me: “Can you write an article on how to not get played?” When I asked for further clarification on the word “played,” she defined it as something to the effect of “used, lied to, and/or cheated on.” I’ll try my best.
As any good social scientist will tell you, a person’s surroundings and environment have powerful influences on behavior. To assume that there are only cheaters and non-cheaters in the world is an oversimplification. Instead, there are situations where infidelity is more likely to occur. For example, the stress one experiences from a long day at school or at work could increase the chances of being unfaithful.
Have husbands really stopped cheating? Well…sort of. While an ever-ready supply of misbehaving celebrities and politicians work to keep the media focused on infidelity, recent research actually suggests that monogamy is on the rise in the average American bedroom, especially among husbands.
Just last month, a new study reported that between 1975 and 2000, American couples of all types (heterosexual, gay, and lesbian) became significantly more monogamous.
Research Spotlight | tagged cheating/infidelity, commitment, marriage, monogamy, social change 
Relationship conflict is inevitable. To identify the most common sources of conflict, over 100 participants listed the ways that men and women could upset, irritate, hurt, or anger each other. Researchers then analyzed subjects’ responses to identify the most central themes, or common topics, in the list. Based on this analysis, here are the top 15 behaviors that can upset a romantic partner, ranked in order by the frequency each behavior was listed (from the most to least mentioned):
Hot Topics | tagged abusive relationship, arguing, cheating/infidelity, conflict, dating, fighting, jealousy, marriage, moody 
In a previous article I discussed why people snoop on their partners. In this article, I address another question: Does the decision to snoop or not to snoop hold consequences for my relationship?
Hot Topics | tagged cheating/infidelity, communication, intrusive behavior, snooping, trust 
Summer is a terrific time to take a well-deserved vacation (click here to learn about what makes vacations great). Often those vacation plans include the opportunity to travel. Regardless of the specifics of your travel plans, you will often share the experience with a romantic partner.
Everyone seems to agree that infidelity is just about the worst thing that can happen in a romantic relationship. In many societies across the world, adultery is more likely to end a relationship than infertility, personality conflicts, inadequate money, and conflicts with in-laws.1 Perhaps that’s also the reason why infidelity is a common reason for taking revenge against romantic partners.2
But not everyone’s experience with infidelity is the same. Some cheaters are forgiven, and some relationships actually survive.
Hot Topics | tagged attribution, cheating/infidelity, communication, forgiveness, relationship decline 
A reader recently asked: My husband and I have a new friend that is female and single. My husband texts, calls, and visits with her even when I'm not there. I am feeling very jealous. I can tell he likes her but he doesn't think I should be jealous. She is my friend too so it's awkward. What should I do? I hate feeling jealous.
Jealousy is a complicated topic with a lot of moving parts – it is an interpersonal situation that involves the jealous individual, his or her relational partner, and a potentially threatening rival.
Q&A's | tagged cheating/infidelity, commitment, communication, jealousy, satisfaction 
A reader submitted the following question: How have researchers operationalized infidelity in the past? What outcomes/predictors are associated with different "types" of infidelity?
Dear Reader,
Researchers have defined infidelity (known scientifically as “extradyadic behavior”) in many different ways. Some have defined it in very narrow terms (e.g., having sexual intercourse with someone other than your partner), while others have defined it much more broadly (e.g., having any type of physical or emotional intimacy outside of your relationship). To date, the vast majority of studies have focused on sexual (i.e., physical) cheating, with relatively fewer giving consideration to things like flirting, “sexting,” keeping secrets, and/or developing feelings for someone else (things that many people might feel are just as bad, if not worse, in some cases).
Lusting, Loving, & Leaving, Q&A's | tagged breakup, cheating/infidelity, flirting, sex, sexting 
Have you ever found yourself glancing at your partner’s email, searching his or her browser history, reading your partner's texts, or even checking his or her pockets? I confess, I am notorious for checking my partner’s email just to see what’s going on that he might have neglected to tell me or as a quick way to get updates on what is happening in his life. Importantly, he gave me his password and knows that I do this. Often, however, people invade a partner's privacy without his or her knowledge and for less innocent reasons.
;)
Thanks for making Weiner Wednesday a smashing success! We've had record breaking traffic to the site thanks to the great articles from Drs. Charlotte and Patrick Markey and Dr. Justin Lehmiller. We'll end the day with one more bit of research on infidelity that is directly applicable to the Weiner affair:
According to a recent study, power, not gender, predicts infidelity. The sex difference we see in cheating (e.g., the abundance of Arnolds, Tigers, and Weiners) is a function of power differentials; that men tend to have higher status in many facets of our society. Furthermore, the association between power and infidelity is not due to the personalities of successful people, like risk-taking, nor caused by their increased separation from their partners (like business travel).
Update-- 6/13/11: Here's a link to an NPR story about this article, including an interview with Dr. Joris Lammers (one of the authors of this study) and Dr. Jon Maner.
Update-- 11/13/11: Due to the investigation regarding the veracity of some of Deiderik Stapel's research, please be cautious in your interpretation of these findings.
Lammers, J., Stoker, J. I., Jordan, J., Pollmann, M. M. H., & Stapel, D. A. (2011). Power increases infidelity among men and women. Psychological Science, 22, 1191-1197.
The recent scandal involving Congressman Anthony Weiner of New York (the guy who "accidentally" sent provocative photos of himself to attractive young females over Facebook and Twitter) has become a media sensation. This probably has something to do with the fact that this guy’s last name is, well, hilarious given the nature of the photos he was tweeting, but also because this guy seemed to have it all.
In the last few weeks and months we’ve found ourselves watching the news and repeatedly exclaiming “Really?!”
Arnold Schwarzenegger is married to the beautiful Maria Shriver, has four gorgeous children, and yet he couldn’t resist becoming sexually involved (and having a love child with) his family's housekeeper. Really?!
Christopher Lee, a married New York state congressman, sent a shirtless photograph of himself in response to a Craigslist personal ad. He even went as far as to call himself a “fit, fun, classy guy.” Really?!
Not to be outdone by his fellow New York politician, Anthony Weiner sent numerous pictures of himself, including one of his crotch, to women other than his wife. He was a rising political star and newlywed, but couldn’t resist texting pictures to young co-eds. Really?!
Why do prominent and powerful men seem to find themselves in these sorts of predicaments?
;)
In a previous post we talked about why celebrities cheat in their relationships. But what about the rest of the world? Why would they cheat? Certainly there are many things that contribute to relationship infidelity. One potential contributing factor is that one’s partner doesn’t provide enough new and exciting experiences within the relationship or what researchers call self-expansion.
Research Spotlight | tagged alternatives, cheating/infidelity, growth, interdependence, self-expansion 
In a previous post, we discussed three possible reasons why Charlie Sheen, one of the most notorious narcissists in the celebrity world, has been so wildly unsuccessful when it comes to his romantic life. Here we provide three additional explanations for why narcissists, like Mr. "Winning" himself, tend to experience difficulties in their relationships.
Recently, "a new study" showing that facebook is increasingly given as a reason for divorce has been making its way around the internet. Does Facebook cause cheating and divorce?
People perceive men with lower voices (e.g., Barry White) and women with higher voices (e.g., Mariah Carey) as more likely to cheat. Why? A low male voice indicates high testosterone, while a high female voice indicates high estrogen.
Quickies, Research Spotlight | tagged cheating/infidelity, evolutionary psychology ;)
Quick, in 10 seconds think of as many celebrities as you can who have allegedly been caught cheating. Go! Tiger Woods, Jude Law, Bill Clinton, Dave Letterman, Kobe Bryant, Eliot Spitzer, LeAnn Rimes, Hugh Grant, Bill Clinton some more, Jon Edwards, that guy Sandra Bullock was married to, and Brett Favre. Why is this so easy? Either you have an extraordinary knowledge of celebrities' love lives, or it really is a common phenomenon. So, why do they do it? Because they can.
Everyone may not be created equally when it comes to their opportunities to be unfaithful. In the case of celebrities, they have a high mate value due to their physical attractiveness, money, power, notoriety, or combination thereof. As a result, potential interlopers (i.e., home wreckers) find them highly desirable and are willing accomplices in the affair (because even D-list celebrities are still celebrities).