Love Sick?

Several years ago, I read a journal article in which the researchers reported that individuals who had recently fallen in love had higher levels of cortisol than did individuals in long-term relationships or those in no relationship at all. Importantly, high levels of cortisol can eventually weaken the immune system and undermine physical health. Admittedly, this finding baffled me. If chronically high levels of cortisol can be bad for health, then how does that explain the overwhelmingly positive impression people have of being passionately in love? I’ve yet to find a Valentine’s Day card that reads, “I love you so much that you make me susceptible to pneumonia.”

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This Heart's For You

image source: we are fairly confident this came from TheOnion.com many, many years ago.

You Can Have Too Much of a Good Thing

image source: thestrawbuyer.blogspot.com

No Pressure.

image source: realworldvenusmars.blogspot.com

No, Opposites Don't Attract: They're Both Fruit

Do opposites really attraction? Click here to find out.

image source: willkrause.com

On Valentine Street, Chivalry Isn’t Dead

Researchers examined whether subtle reminders of love increase men’s willingness to help. Men who had been approached by a woman asking for directions to Valentine Street were willing to help a different woman retrieve her cell phone from “thieves”, helping her almost 37% of the time. Men asked for directions to Martin Street only helped 20% of the time. The simple mention of “Valentine” unconsciously motivated men to behave in a more chivalrous manner.

Lamy, L., Fischer-Lokou, J., & Guéguen, N. (2010). Valentine Street promotes chivalrous helping. Swiss Journal of Psychology, 69, 169-172.

Technology Ruins Romance: The Airport

From wongfuproductions.com.

The Politics of Love

When looking for partners, we are attracted to others who are similar to us. Whether the similarity lies in personality, values, or political views, individuals tend to seek those with ideals comparable to their own. However, in a recent survey of college students, the majority indicated they’d be willing to date someone with a political affiliation different than their own.

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Joy, Pain, and Falling in Love

From thisisindexed.com.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Five Predictors (and Five Not So Good Predictors) of Relationship Success

Last week we posted a quiz to see how much our readers knew regarding the predictors of relationship stability (or success). Overall, it looks like we've got some work to do; the average score on the quiz was 48% (remember, random guessing should average 50%). The questions in the quiz were inspired by some of my work on understanding what factors influence relationship outcomes. One of my main research areas is the role of commitment in predicting the “success” of dating relationships (using the term loosely; i.e., staying together vs. breaking-up).

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Relationships 101: Having Healthy Relationships in Your First Year of College

For a .PDF version of this article, please click here. This article is free to any college/university for dissemination to students (e.g., as part of college orientation, first-year seminar, or college course).

College is all about new experiences: the start of a new life, new friends, new freedom, and new relationship experiences. Not surprisingly, romantic relationships are responsible for life’s happiest moments.¹ For that reason, it is important to avoid problematic relationships that could jeopardize your college education. To help, we’ll identify qualities of healthy relationships in the context of common relationship experiences that students encounter during their first year in college.

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Attachment Styles at Hogwarts: Love in Harry Potter’s World

Like in any boarding school teeming with youngsters, Hogwarts is overflowing with raging hormones. Our three main characters (Harry, Ron, and Hermione) go through not just the angst of trying to defeat He Who Must Not Be Named; they are also trying to reign in the power of their own attraction to each other. We can better understand their failures and successes by viewing each of these characters through the lens of attachment theory, one of the most popular perspectives on romantic relationships.

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Can't Help Falling in Love?

Amanda asked “Elvis once sang, ‘I can't help falling in love with you.’ So... is love a conscious, rational choice or is it a chemical addiction that is uncontrollable?"

Dear Amanda,

Good question, and perhaps the answer depends on how you view “love.”  If you conceptualize love like Brick Tamland, San Diego’s favorite weatherman, then perhaps the answer is that love is rather conscious and only requires looking at objects and declaring your love for them. In that case, I love Science of Relationships!

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From Friends to Lovers

Cornina asked: "Is it realistic to believe that a man and a woman can move past the awkward barrier of good friends into passionate, romantic love?"

Dear Corina,

The answer is yes, friends can (and often do) become lovers, although as your question implies, the transition can be somewhat awkward.

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The Office Romance: Falling in Love at Work

Employees who observed more workplace romance also perceived greater workplace sexualization such as flirting and innuendo. 42% had observed a workplace romance at some point at their current job. Romances occurred more frequently when there was high sexualization and male-female contact. However, male-female contact alone did not increase workplace romance.

Salvaggio, A. N., Streich, M., Hopper, J. E., & Pierce, C. A. (2011), Why do fools fall in love (at work)? Factors associated with the incidence of workplace romance. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 41, 906–937. doi: 10.1111/j.1559-1816.2011.00741.x

Regretting Lost Loves and Missed Opportunities

A new study revealed that 1 in every 5.5 people think of a missed or lost romance when asked about regret. Regrets about romance were listed most frequently – more than family issues, career decisions, and educational opportunities, with women more likely to have romance regrets than men. 

Morrison, M., & Roese, N. J. (in press). Regrets of the typical American: Findings from a nationally representative sample. Social Psychological and Personality Science.  doi: 10.1177/1948550611401756

“I Would Die for Ya Baby”: Why People Make Sacrifices for Their Relationships

In Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, Bella offers to give up her human life to become a vampire in order be with her 104-year-old vampire boyfriend, Edward, forever. This ultimate sacrifice, driven by “true love,” is only one of many types of sacrifices that people make on an everyday basis for their intimate relationships. Relationship scientists refer to these behaviors as “willingness to sacrifice," and they can run the gamut from minor and short term inconveniences, such as having to go to your partner’s work party on Friday night when you would rather stay home and watch The Bachelor on TV, to much more substantial or long-term sacrifices, such as jumping in front of a train to save your partner’s life.

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Who Says "I Love You" First in a Relationship?

Societal gender norms suggest that women should be most concerned with declarations of love, especially during the early, uncertain phase of relationships. After all, who are all those romantic comedies and chick flick movies marketed toward? But recent research demonstrates that in fact, it’s the men who are more likely to say “I love you” first in relationships.1 Not only that, but hearing “I love you” from a romantic partner for the first time makes men even happier than it makes women. And although this may not jive with gender stereotypes, it makes a lot of sense from an evolutionary perspective.

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Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, and Love at First Sight

Countless books, songs, and movies have rapturously portrayed the idea that you might one day look across the room, lock eyes with a stranger, and know instantly that you two are meant to be together forever. This phenomenon is portrayed in the movie The Adjustment Bureau in which Matt Damon’s character meets Emily Blunt’s character briefly in a bathroom and is thereafter willing to defy scary men in suits who control the world in order to be with her. 

So what does science have to say about love at first sight?

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"Do You Pursue Love or Does It Pursue You?"

Amy asked “do you pursue love or does it pursue you? Do you think that people are in one of these two categories or is it ever changing in our lives?”

Dear Amy,

Great question; this is essentially getting at what researchers call “implicit theories of relationships.”1 What’s important is what you believe about relationships and love, not necessarily that there’s a one-size-fits-all prescription for relationships.

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