Entries in marginalized relationships (3)


Questioning The Romeo And Juliet Effect: Is Parental Interference Good Or Bad For A Relationship?

(Reposted from The Psychology of Human Sexuality)

 In 1972, a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology announced scientific support for the so-called “Romeo and Juliet effect." The basic idea was that the more parents try to interfere in a couple’s relationship, the stronger that relationship becomes--just like in Shakespeare's classic story. Given both the sexy name and intuitive appeal of this idea, it is perhaps not surprising to learn that this effect has been cited hundreds of times in academic journals and textbooks. In recent years, however, several scientists (myself included) have grown skeptical of this idea because it just doesn’t seem to fit with what the broader literature on social approval and relationships has reported.

For instance, I published a series of three studies over the last decade showing that when one’s family and friends do not accept or approve of one’s relationship, the health of the partners and the quality of the relationship tends to suffer. Specifically, when people perceive that their romantic relationship is marginalized, not only do they report worse physical and psychological health [1] and less commitment to their relationship [2], but they also have an increased likelihood of breaking up in the next year [3] (see here for a more detailed summary of some of this research). In light of these results, one might reasonably predict the opposite of the Romeo and Juliet effect: when parents don’t approve of a relationship and try to interfere, that relationship is more likely to deteriorate rather than flourish.

But if this is the case, how do we explain the findings of the 1972 study?

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“She’s Just Not Right For You!”: What To Do When Friends & Family Disapprove of Your Relationship

Often when we meet someone new and fall madly and deeply in love, we cannot wait to introduce the person to our friends and family. Obviously if we think they are the best thing since sliced bread, everyone else is going to love them just as much – right? Not always. Sometimes, no matter how great we think a person is, our friends and family, for one reason or another, disagree. When this happens, the lack of support for our relationship can jeopardize not only our relationship, but also our health.

So what should you do if your friends and family are disapproving of your current relationship?

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"Living in a Marginalized Relationship": Relationship Matters Podcast #10

A new Relationship Matters (the official podcast of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships) has just been released. Dr. Bjarne Holmes interviews Science Of Relationships' featured columnist Dr. Justin Lehmiller about his research on "Living in a Marginalized Relationship." Click here to listen to the interview.