Is Long-Term Love Possible?

If you want to read about love and marriage you've got to buy two separate books. ~ Alan King

Popular wisdom suggests that intensely passionate love is a rare phenomenon in long-term partnerships. The assumption is that passion peaks in the early stages of a relationship and then fades over time. In a recent study, however, researchers found that intense love for a partner (even after 30 years or more together) may not be as rare as people assume.

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Pearl Jam Sex, Cosmo, and Self-Expansion

Dr. Gary Lewandowski was recently quoted in Cosmopolitan magazine, although we're pretty sure that he didn't recommend the part about getting it on while listening to Ten.

"Sexual Healing": Relationship Matters Podcast #12

A new Relationship Matters (the official podcast of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships) has just been released. Dr. Tsachi Ein-Dor (Interdisciplinary Center, Herzliya, Israel) discusses research on how we use sex to feel better. Check it out here.

See our brief write-up of this work here.

Is Bigger Better? How Men Really Feel About Their Own Penises

Advertisements for products “guaranteed” to add inches to men’s penises are everywhere, from awesomely bad late-night infomercials hosted by Ron Jeremy to annoying Internet pop-up ads for “natural male enhancement.” The sheer number of such ads and the millions of dollars men spend on penile enlargement products each year suggest that lots of guys are worried that their genitals aren’t big enough. But is “small penis syndrome” (yes, this is a real thing)¹ as widespread as the popular media would lead us to believe? And does size really even matter that much to men or to women?

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Supersize Me: Does Penis Size Matter to Women?

Media portrayals of sexuality perpetuate the notion that, when it comes to penises, bigger is better. This size bias is likely due, at least in part, to cultural messages that equate penis size with masculinity and sexual prowess. Pornography reinforces the notion that men with large penises are better lovers and more desirable to women. But does a man’s penis size really matter for heterosexual women’s sexual arousal and satisfaction?

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Concubines, Comfort Women, or Trafficking? A Stroll through the Seoul Sex Industry

I recently spent a few days in Seoul, South Korea on my way to Indonesia. I have some friends in Seoul, so I decided to check it out for a few days. Being a social scientist who specializes in sexual behavior, I asked anyone who would speak with me questions about people’s romantic relationships, marriage, and social norms around the topic of sex. Based on these conversations I came to the uncomfortable realization that commercial sex work is very common, if not normalized, in Korea. This normalization is partly due to the Japanese colonialist roots when prostitution was legal, as well as the abundance of brothels that serve military bases and the large number of business travelers visiting the city.

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Breaking It Off: Sex-Positive Shops and the Women’s Sex Toy Revolution

Many consider the adult entertainment industry risqué, sleazy, and taboo. No more….the sexual marketplace now has a niche where women can feel sexually empowered and pampered rather than objectified and commoditized when pursuing sexual pleasure. Although the male consumer still drives much of the $14 billion “adult” industry, there are also female consumers who are willing to spend over $100 on a luxury vibrator (remember the Sex and the City episodes about The Rabbit and the Sharper Image luxury vibrators?). And women-owned and –operated sex stores are on the rise.1 These “sex-positive” stores are not the shady, dark stores that guys in trenchcoats sneak into. They are brighter, staffed by females (and males), and maintain a softer image with the hopes of projecting an image of “class” rather than “crass”. These shops stock well-designed, often eco-friendly “acsexsories” so women can feel good, rather than ashamed, about wanting sexual pleasure.

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You are the Perfect Drug

I recently read your article Oxytocin: The Hormone that Binds. This bonding molecule and its withdrawal effects can be so severe. Have there been any studies on how Oxytocin or withdrawal from it affects the levels of other similar hormones such as serotonin, epinephrine, etc? It seems like the detoxing process is just as bad if not worse than hardcore drugs such as Vicodin, cocaine, heroin, or morphine, at least from an emotional/ psychological perspective.

It's been almost 2 years since I came out of this very bad, painful "relationship" with a girl. I say "relationship" because it was strictly a sexual and logically I knew it was never going to lead to anything serious but my emotions said otherwise. After such a long time I feel like I am still in detox mode.

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The Importance of What Happens After Sex

Popular media portrays a range of after sex activities – some partners cuddle, drift off to sleep, spend hours talking, smoke a cigarette, or, in some cases, rush out the door after sex. But, what do we really know about after sex behaviors? As we have discussed in previous articles, researchers have studied when, how often, and with whom people have sex. In comparison, we know much less about what people do after sex. This is unfortunate, because post-coital sexual activities, or the activities that occur during the time after sex (while partners are awake together), could be important for relationship commitment and satisfaction.

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Hairless Skin and Romantic Love: The Naked Love Theory

A striking feature of human beings is our lack of a thick coat of body hair. Since all other primates have such fur this suggests the primate ancestors of human beings likewise had fur and that, for some evolutionary reason, lost their body hair. But what could this reason be? There are various theories but none is fully adequate.

In a new attempt to explain this loss of body hair I argue that human hairlessness had its origin in the ancestral mother-infant relationship. In the “naked love theory”, as I call it, this hairlessness is ultimately the result of bipedalism or the ability to walk on two feet.

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Sex in Friendships, Friendship After Sex

I'm currently involved in what you term a 'cross-sex' relationship. I've found all of your articles very insightful into the way we interact, and the benefits we receive from our close friendship. I also have found knowing that sexual encounters occur in these sort of relationships, which is what happened between my friend and I (yes we fit the college student statistic) interesting. I've read about cross-sex 'life-cycles', different phases in the friendship etc. I was wondering if you could elaborate more on this? Or give some suggestions on how to continue the friendship after sex (Cosmo just doesn't compare with your articles, obviously!). 

The blending of friendship with sex seems to be popping up everywhere these days. What you call “cross-sex relationships,” others call “friends with benefits” (FWBs), “booty calls,” and any number of other names. Regardless of what they’re called, these relationships have one important feature in common: they’re complicated!

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Sexy at Seventy: Seniors Need Sex Education Too

Your grandparents may be wise, but even they could use some sex education from time to time. From safersex4seniors.org.

Liars, and Letches, and Narcissists! Oh My!

Meeting new people and engaging in flirtatious banter are my favorite things about dating. In all honesty, the initial “getting to know you phase” was what I missed most when I was married. Unfortunately, occasionally there are dates that are excruciatingly painful to sit through. One such date involved someone whose on-line photographs depicted a youthful, attractive and successful man who apparently enjoyed scuba diving. At the very least, I thought we could swap travel stories.

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The Ins and Outs of Sexual Frequency

People have a lot of questions when they learn that I study sex and relationships. One of the most common questions people ask is how often couples typically have sex. This question generally comes from the person’s desire to learn if they are on par with other couples’ sexual frequency.

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A (Rejected) Fly Walks into a Bar...

Did you ever wonder what drives a fruit fly (aka drosophila melanogaster) to drink? If you’re anything like us, this question keeps you up at night (Let’s hope you’re nothing like us). Well, based on research out of the University of Missouri, it looks like sexual rejection is a prime instigator of fruit fly alcoholism.

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Sex: It's Like Fighting in Perkins

Marvin Gaye was Right On: Sex and Stress Relief

Sexually active Israelis in monogamous cohabiting relationships reported on their stress levels and sexual activity each day for three weeks. Having sex on one day predicted lower stress the following day, and feeling stressed on one day was associated with an increased likelihood of having sex the next day. Convenient, eh? These associations were stronger for men than for women. This work suggests that people (especially men) may use sex to (effectively) alleviate daily stress.

Ein-Dor, T., & Hirschberger, G. (2012). Sexual healing: Daily diary evidence that sex relieves stress for men and women in satisfying relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 126-139.

Support SofR by downloading "Sexual Healing" (or some other groovy Marvin Gaye tunes; we highly recommend the Let's Get It On album for facilitating your stress relief) on Amazon.com.

Is Masturbation Bad For Your Health and Your Relationship?

I cannot find any topics [on the site] covering female or male masturbation. Do you plan on writing about this topic in the future?

Thanks for your question. I agree that masturbation is an important topic to address and it’s one that interests a lot of people. Aside from female orgasm, self-love is perhaps the most frequent issue students ask about in my Human Sexuality course. The two most common things that come up with respect to masturbation are fears about whether this behavior is bad for one’s health and whether it creates relationship problems. Let’s take a moment to clear up these concerns.

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"Talking Sex": Relationship Matters Podcast #8

A new Relationship Matters (the official podcast of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships) has just been released. SofR's own Dr. Bjarne Holmes interviews Jennifer Montesi of Temple University about her research on sexual communication and satisfaction.

See all of our articles about sex here.

Are You a Booty Call or a Friend with Benefits?

Spring break season is upon us, and as I discussed in a previous post, one thing that people associate with spring break is casual sex (what happens on spring break stays on spring break!). According to a recent study, however, casual sex relationships may not be so casual after all. In fact, these days casual sexual relationships are no longer solely defined as a one time sexual encounter; instead, casual sexual experiences can range from a one-time “hook-up” to an ongoing sexual relationship with a friend.

In a recent study, focus groups of young people were asked to identify different ‘types’ of casual sex relationships...

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